Tuned In, TV Blog, Television Reviews, James Poniewozik, TIME

May 7, 2008 11:16

Why TV Critics Fear Their Mail

Posted by James Poniewozik | Comments (10) | Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email This

Nobody, understandably, pities TV critics for their work. It's not exactly Deadliest Catch or factory work—we don't run the risk of falling into freezing seas or having our arms sheared off by machinery if we're not careful. (The chief hazard is strangulation by getting your necktie caught in the DVD-loading tray.)

Nonetheless, we complain. One of the big occupational annoyances is the "creative" PR packaging and/or swag gift. In the past I've received screeners packaged in film canisters and oversized popcorn drums and braved monstrous paper cuts to extract DVDs encased in carapaces of plastic and cardboard, like the trucklike plastic contraption in which History Channel sent me Ice Road Truckers, opening which was like removing Excalibur from the stone. The waste alone is staggering: 95% of my job essentially involves throwing things away. Discovery may be launching Planet Green and NBC may plug the environment in primetime, but the TV-publicity business is singlehandedly killing the Earth.

If you do not like to read people paid to watch TV complaining about how they are sent TV to be paid to watch, for the love of God do not click past the jump:

In the last 24 hours, for instance, I have received: a folder for The Circuit, an ABC Family Michelle Trachtenberg movie that I will probably not watch because whenever I open it, it makes an annoying revving-engine sound. (TV PR has supplanted the greeting-card industry as the main customer of novelty sound chips. Why don't I just rip the device out? Because the last time I tried that, the chip kept playing over and over in my garbage can until I left the office. It is probably still playing somewhere in the Fresh Kills landfill on Staten Island.)

Also: a perfectly round, porthole-shaped press kit for Cartoon Network's The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack. (Q: How do you store a perfectly round press kit on a bookshelf? A: You don't.) Inside the round box are press releases, on several cardboard discs that are not perfectly round. Instead, each has two notches on the edge, and to fit the whole stack back into the box, you have to rotate them, one by one, to fit onto a notch inside the box. It's like trying to solve a puzzle in a Survivor immunity challenge.

And finally, two urgent voicemails from the Time Inc. messenger center, while I was out of the office, informing me that WE TV had hand-delivered me a cupcake to promote some show or another. As far as I know, it is still there.

If anyone from the Time Inc. messenger center is reading this blog: Please, eat the cupcake.

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Reader Comments (10)

DM:

Out of curiosity, how many, if any, PR companies send you their products digitally (email, torrent, etc.)? Seems like you could be quite fancy without being nearly as annoying if you went that route.

Posted by DM | May 7, 2008 11:47 AM

Molly:

I hate junkmail and "clever" packaging that is both wasteful and annoying, so you had some sympathy from me...right up until you mentioned the cupcake. Sorry, but I can't feel bad for anyone who gets paid to watch TV AND gets free cupcakes.

Posted by Molly | May 7, 2008 11:50 AM

James Poniewozik:

@DM: Good question. I get most PR pitches by email. And pretty much any network of any size has a press website that hosts press materials and downloadable photos. However, most screeners still come by DVD. Only a few networks make their screeners available by streaming (ABC, occasionally Adult Swim, etc.). And the DVD is usually accompanied by packaging and paper, though some have taken to sending the press releases on a memory stick. Whether those are more eco-friendly than paper I have no idea.

@Molly: The thing is, and this will make you hate me even more, I don't even EAT the cupcakes! Or the myriad other chocolate/candy PR confections. They go into the Time office kitchen for whatever lucky staffer walks in. I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype of the morbidly obese TV critic. But if only someone would send me a steak... Are you listening Steak Paradise?

Posted by James Poniewozik | May 7, 2008 12:04 PM

beerbaron:

That does sound annoying, but you must get some cool stuff. What did the AMC people send for Mad Men – a jar of pomade, maybe, or a stack of crisp, white dress shirts for those days when "lunch" gets a little messy? Did that Swingtown screener come with a fancy keychain?

Posted by beerbaron | May 7, 2008 12:36 PM

James Poniewozik:

@beerbaron: Oh I definitely get some cool stuff. Currently displayed atop my office bookshelf:

* A box of Powerpuff Girls cereal (from which I disposed the actual cereal, six or seven years old, during my most recent move)

* Plush figures of Master Shake, Meatwad and Frylock from ATHF

* A bottle of ouzo, from I don't remember what.

Posted by James Poniewozik | May 7, 2008 12:42 PM

kubiac:

J.P., you are teh awesome.

FWIW, We save all our swag and sell it to the interns and assistants at everything-for-a-dollar quarterly swag sales and then give the proceeds to charity.

Posted by kubiac | May 7, 2008 2:01 PM

Keith:

James, you poor, poor man. If you have any swag from HBO's Real Sex or G-String Divas, I'll be happy to help you recycle and take it off your hands.

Posted by Keith | May 7, 2008 2:17 PM

rhys:

No one's going to eat the cupcake. They are too afraid of getting fired over it.

Posted by rhys | May 7, 2008 2:18 PM

James Poniewozik:

@kubiac: We have a magazine-wide swag sale at the end of the year for charity. Really, you can usually find a good home for the swag. Somebody always wants a bobblehead! But the packaging--that goes straight into Mother Earth's gut.

Did I mention I have three wastebaskets in my office--one about three feet tall--for just this purpose?

@Keith: would you settle for sexy Bob Costas paraphernalia?

Posted by James Poniewozik | May 7, 2008 2:23 PM

Keith:

@James: ewwww! I like Costas as much as the next guy, but uhhhhh NO thanks.

Posted by Keith | May 7, 2008 4:16 PM

About Tuned In

James Poniewozik writes TIME magazine's Tuned In column, about pop culture and society. Tuned In, the blog version, is about the stuff we used to call "TV," whether it's in your living room, on your computer or--once the networks figure out the technology and line up the advertisers--in your dreams themselves.